Side Effects so Far

You asked, didn't you?

I don't like telling about side effects or how I'm feeling unless I'm doing really well, partly because if I let you know I'm not at my best I worry that I'll sound like I'm whining. Besides, I want to be like the young woman I met in the infusion room who wore a cape her friends had made her that said Super Cancer Girl. Super Cancer Girl doesn't get side effects. They just slide off her back.

But on the other hand, I'm trying to be totally honest here. So here are the side effects I've experienced in the past two weeks, my first cycle of Folfox.

• Fatigue and weakness. The fatigue comes up behind me and sandbags me. I'll be doing fine, as I was yesterday when my group -- women's group? book group? knitting group? kaffeeklatch? tea party? (that's actually what we call it, but the name's been co-opted by some political group) got together. I had a good time, and then barely made it home before I fell asleep on the couch for an hour before I could get up for some lunch. The weakness is both physical and psychological; generally I feel as though I have no reserves to dip into. Luckily the NYC visit included a lot of down time for me, which I needed, even though I hated to waste a minute on just lying there. The nurse says to exercise, rest, and pace myself (all at once? Then I can practice patting my head and rubbing my tummy at the same time.)
  
• Nausea. It was fairly severe for the first couple of days and has been more intermittent and less problematic as time goes on. The nurse says they'll change the pre-med anti-nausea formula for next round and that I should take all my anti-nausea pills before I really need them instead of chasing after the nausea.
• Loss of appetite, feeling of fullness. Food just isn't interesting, and I have to force myself to eat, even when I'm hungry. Probably because of that, my weight has gone down three pounds since I went on the Folfox. I'm still within a normal weight for my height, but people are beginning to tell me that I look tired, which I'm afraid means gaunt. Haven't checked this one with the nurse yet, but I'm afraid she's going to recommend Ensure, which, in my grandmother's words in a slightly different context, is pig slop. Please send suggestions for tasty, high-calorie, non-stomach-upsetting foods.
  
• Tingling and numbness of the fingers (peripheral neuropathy). Not much that can be done about it.
  

With all of that, I ought to mention that there are some side effects that they mentioned that I don't have -- primarily, so far, I'm not oversensitive to cold. The nurse said to keep gloves near the refrigerator so I could get things out of the freezer without pain. I haven't needed to yet.
Also, no vomiting. No diarrhea or constipation. No fevers.

All of this makes me realize how easily I got off with the Gemcitabine. Looking back, it was a walk in the park. And just because I reacted this way to the first cycle of Folfox doesn't mean I necessarily will to the next. Or the next. Or the one after that. The first time is always a learning experience.