Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Natural disasters

All of us who've faced the diagnosis know what Senator Kennedy and his family have been going through the past few days. We know the feeling of utter disbelief, the realization that from now on nothing we planned on can be expected to happen but that something worse undoubtedly will, the loss of control, the dozens of questions that we don't even know how to prioritize. It's as though a cyclone, or an earthquake, sweeps away every certainty.

I forgot to mention in the previous post, my parents' two strongest ways of coping with disaster. My father went into Control Mode. I remember him on a gurney in the ER, telling me exactly what to bring him for his hospital stay, where everything was, and not to forget to water his plants.
Mother specialized in black humor. During her last illness, a doctor checked her mental powers by asking her who the president was. She blanked out on the name but said grandly, "I prefer not to speak of him.... That idiot."

I use both coping mechanisms, and when I was diagnosed, my Control Mode took the form of lists: who to contact, questions for the insurance company, what to google, and questions for the doctors. (The last was two pages, single-spaced.) I'm sure that Teddy Kennedy and his family, have their own form of Control Mode, probably with lists.

Those facing the aftermath of earthquake and cyclone are dealing with disbelief turning to horror and, perhaps, hope; with loss of control and too many questions.
How are they coping? What is on their lists? (Tent, something to put water in, food, firewood, and always, especially, ways of contacting loved ones)

My heart goes out to the Kennedys, but also to the tens of thousands of people who like him, like me, woke up one morning thinking that their lives were going in one direction. And then their lives were tossed up in the air to fall into a different pattern. I wish them strength, people to love and support them, and a sense of humor.

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