CA19-9 Counts

Sept 08: over 300
Oct 08: 100
Nov 08:61
Dec 08: 40
Jan 09: 32
Feb 09: 63
Mar 09: 105

So it isn't great news, but what you need to know is that the numbers can go up the thousands, though just to make it more confusing there are two ways of measuring, one of which actually goes up into the tens of thousands. I don't think I'm being measured that way, but in any case, I'd be laughed off the pancreatic cancer discussion boards for complaining about a score of 105. But the trend is there. Dr. Nickerson says that my situation can be judged by three things: the CA19-9, my general well-being, and a CAT scan, scheduled for April 16th.
My well-being has been good, though the past few days I've been a bit under par, perhaps a reaction to the vacation, perhaps a new reaction to the chemo, perhaps not.

Besides the obvious thought, I've had two others.

One is that we all want to be Super Survivor. I remember a beautiful woman in the infusion room. It was her last treatment for breast cancer, and her friends had made her a bright pink cape with Cancer Girl written across the back. I wish I'd taken a picture of her sashaying across the room with her bald head, the cape swirling behind her, and the IV pole dragging along at the end. It symbolized everything we all want to be.
Anything that reminds us that we aren't likely to be superheroes is really unwelcome.

The other is that I've really had an easy time of it so far, except for the times I've ended up in the ER, of course. But even when I haven't felt great, it's usually been something that a Tylenol or Tums can take care of, and if my energy levels are undependable, well, people take siestas in large parts of the civilized world. Most days, I don't focus on the cancer because it isn't really an issue of daily life.

So I've been spoiled, and when the CA19-9 starts to trend in the wrong direction, I'm not ready for it. Common sense fights with panic; so far, common sense is winning.