People tell me I have a positive attitude, and I'm willing to agree that yes, most of the time, I feel good emotionally as well as physically. One of the many ways in which I'm lucky is that I don't have one of the commonest symptoms of pancreatic cancer -- depression. While there are plenty of reasons to feel depressed with this, it's actually a physiological part of the cancer itself, which I just happened to have missed. I'm not complaining.
I read several blogs of other people dealing with different forms of cancer, and recently I read a couple of responses that upset me. In both cases, the responder said something like, "and you have to keep a positive attitude, because that will help cure you." What a burden to put on someone who is already just trying to get through the day! Now, if the cancer marker numbers go up, the person can feel not only scared and miserable, but guilty as well. It's all my fault. If I'd only smiled more. If I hadn't lost my temper with that idiot checker at the supermarket who put the eggs on the bottom. If I'd really, truly laughed through that last bout of nausea.... Probably I really do deserve this.
My general cheerfulness isn't something I work at; it's due to physiology as well as to the fact that, aside from the small matter of the cancer, my life is truly blessed.
Other people deal with it by fighting. I've met some really angry people in the infusion room. I'm sure that their imagery includes robolasers zapping the cancer cells with lots of flashes of light and loud bangs.
And some people are depressed and deal with it by being depressed.
As far as I know,there isn't one attitude or way of behaving that's going to make all the difference. You do what you gotta do; you feel the way you gotta feel.
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3 comments:
I saw a program about cancer on PBS that says your attitude doesn't make any difference to the cancer--it does its thing, however you feel. Undoubtedly, a positive outlook makes life much more pleasant as you are living through it. You are truly blessed.
I don't think anybody can know how they would feel and react if they had a life threatening disease until it happened. But you, Lucie have dealt with it boldly. We look up to you.
I agree with Russ. You're an example to all of us.
I read "The Secret" a while ago and I thought what a bunch a crap. It basically says that everything that happens to you is your fault because you thought about it. Man, I'd be in trouble if that were true...
We think about you often. Love,
Severine
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