(First of all, note to knitters: it's really a bad idea to knit while you're in a car during pothole season. Trust me.)
We spent an hour and a half in the consultations with two oncologists, one an expert, one an expert-in-training. Good people, very clear in their explanations, and not over-inclined to sugar-coat the information. But what they want before continuing is yet another test, a PET scan. http://www.radiologyinfo.org/en/info.cfm?pg=PET&bhcp=1 is about as good an explanation as any. While the cancer seems to be limited to the pancreas/bile duct area, they want to make sure it hasn't invaded the upper abdomen.
Depending on the results, we go to either Plan A or Plan B. Plan A, probably all taking place in Keene, will probably involve a combination of two chemo drugs, Gencitabine and Taxotere for several weeks. (I had Taxotere last time around.) Then a combination of chemo plus radiation. Then, assuming that all this has worked, we go on to the surgery. I asked about Clinical Trials, since I was on one last time, but it seems that because I was on chemo before I'm not eligible. Pity. I would like to add to the sum total of human knowledge.
Plan B, if the cancer has metastesized into the upper abdomen, involves palliative care to keep quality of life as high as possible as long as possible.
Sorry. Today I'm having trouble with the positive spin.
And I have a question for you: if it's Plan B, do I post about it here? It puts a terrible burden on you. If we were Victorians, you could bring me calves' foot jelly and read me improving sermons; but modern Americans have no template for behavior in such a situation, and none of us know how to act or what to say. Let me know what you think.
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8 comments:
You should definitely blog about it, for either plan. You're not alone in this, and we who love you enjoy the contact, be it through blog or otherwise.
Absolutely write about it. Although plan B is difficult to contemplate (to say the least) I think it comes down to the element of fear. I don't think you are fearful in expressing how you feel or what you're going through, but I think there's an idea that some people might be fearful of receiving that information. That being said, everyone who knows and loves you would rather be in the light than in the dark, and love is more powerful than fear. In any case, I am full of hope and faith that it is Plan A, and there's no reason to think otherwise at this point.
Lucie, What Rob K and Lucinda said....More than my fear of reading, would be my fear that you could not share this plight with us. I want to be with you every step of the way......
Anyone who has an internet knows that if it hasn't spread, you'll recover fine, but if the reverse is true, the doctors would be very pessimistic. Why panic before you have to? So far there is no sign it has spread. So why not assume the best? Once you get the results, feel free to stop people on the street and tell them. After all, creative people will always do their own thing.
You should write about it. Everyone will want to know the outcome and I'd think it would be easier to post it than to explain in person a hundred times over.
Lucie, I hesitated about expressing an opinion because I haven't known you as long or as well as some of the others who have commented here. After thinking it over, though, I'd just like to say -- Plan A or Plan B, I think you should do whatever you want to do. If at any point for any reason, you don't feel like sharing, I'm sure everyone who cares about you will respect that. By the same token, if it helps you to cope, you should also feel free to share whatever and whenever. If blogging is going to be therapeutic for you, you have to use it that way -- you go, girl!
You're due for some good news. All this diagnostic stuff can be a bit grim, but I am betting that it will not be Plan B. So, you'll suck up the treatment protocol and be shoveling snow, ha!, soon. Pixie dust comin' your way every day.
I'm in agreement with those who are saying that if it sharing your experiences with this disease helps you to steady and calm your heart and soul, then do blog about it. This is where you can share out a burden too heavy for one person to carry, to a loving and supportive community.
Yes write about whatever you would like to here. We will support you.
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