That's a misleading title because I've learned that a) you don't come to terms permanently with anything and b) you certainly don't come to terms with everything.
But I spent a lot of yesterday trying, thinking about the implications of being in Option C.
Right now, except for residual pangs from the surgery and no muscle tone, I feel well. The Y is closed this week, but I plan to start going back next week (I'll even be able to swim by then), and the week after that Yoga starts up again. Jerry points out I need these activities to keep me from spending my time obssessing, and he's right. Besides, just because one part of me has cancer doesn't mean the rest gets to slack off.
I also want to start playing trombone again, with the hope of joining the Christmas rehearsals and concerts, or at least doing what I can.
Part of the coming to terms is that I don't know what it's reasonable to expect to be able to do -- but if I don't try it I certainly won't be able to do any of it. At the same time, I don't now have the endurance to do as much as I could even a month ago.
And I've just noticed that something that was going to be a kind of philosophical post has morphed into an activity program. Maybe tomorrow I can work on that. It's a lot harder to admit to occasional despair than to plan to exercise.
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2 comments:
Hi Lucie;
Of course you have a lot of tumultuous thoughts right now. You are at a cross roads in your life when some changes are coming about. And part of it you have no control over. Of course that is scary and leads to despair.
The parts you do have control over, you seem to be handling well. Keeping busy and doing the things you love with the people you love - that describes you!
Dear Lucie, It was good to catch up on your last two blogs, I say good, not because of the subject matter, but because I am buoyed by your writing. It helps me, on many levels, to read what you have to say. About despair, yes, you are so right that it is easier to plan an exercise regimen that to be in despair over what you now know about the state of (one part) of your body. I still beleive in mind over matter though and I think that your mind, lifestyle, the love that flows to and from you, and the chemo-blasting that you have done so far, will give you more time than you may, at this time, think that you have.
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