Psychologically? Well, just as with physically, it's up and down. Right now, it's up, mostly because I feel so well physically that I can't really believe that I'm not.
But even that isn't that simple. I feel well physically, except that I'll be on an errand and suddenly realize that the energy isn't there, as though someone had turned off the tap. Or that I find myself planning on just one errand instead of two or three. Or that I lie down after lunch and fall asleep so completely that I wake up with no sense of having slept.
On the other hand, I'm taking a walk again in the mornings, though I can't manage the hills that Jerry and I used to do every day and that he still does. And being able to go out at all is a treat that I appreciate.
Maybe physically isn't as clear cut as I thought; and psychologically is even more complicated. The shock of the diagnosis has worn off, mostly, though when I unexpectedly think of it, I have the same disbelief as at the beginning. Not denial so much as the horror of stepping on a stair that isn't there.
Days are easier than nights. I usually don't have trouble falling asleep, but 3:00 a.m. is not a good time. That's when everything I put out of my mind during the day comes crowding back in, like the statistics. Those are enough to destroy any chance of sleeping.
However, there's a short essay by Stephen Jay Gould, which cancer survivors hang onto. Check it out -- and if his take on statistics is off, don't tell me. He helps me get back to sleep.
http://cancerguide.org/median_not_msg.html
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2 comments:
If you are a person who tends to worry about things to excess (as I am) you know that worrying itself can be a terrible scourge. If someone tells a worrier that worrying could give him an ulcer, then the poor guy will now worry that his worrying is going to make him sick.
Fortunately, there are a few things in this world that are mood brighteners. A few that come to mind are: (a) complaining. A good bout of complaining is very helpful to get things off one's shoulders, (b) tasty snacks, (c) restful naps (d) company of loved ones (e) funny dvds or books. Some of my favorite funny books were written by Jasper Fforde. These are guaranteed to make people's moods improve. And I am sure there are lots of others which people might suggest.
Bill Bryson's " A Walk in the Woods" oh man is that funny. and his "Short History of Nearly Everything" one of the best books I've ever read. It's about the history of the planet mostly.
Have a great weekend !
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