How do you break the news? I am thankful to have this blog, because for family and friends who read it, I don't have to start from the beginning each time we talk. I can assume that everyone knows what's going on, and when we see each other or chat your questions or comments start from where I am now. In fact, one friend began the conversation yesterday with, "So, are your curtains up yet?" (Nope.)
It's much harder with acquaintances or people I haven't seen for a while. It's obvious, to look at me, that something's going on, but do I pile the whole thing on them right off?
"How are you?"
"Well, I have pancreatic cancer." Long silence, while I think, Yeah, Germer, you sure know how to stop a conversation.
A problem is that I've had several months to get used to the idea (more or less), and here's a friend suddenly having to deal with the whole concept with no time to prepare. Most people do well with it, but I feel as though I've dumped, if not the elephant, a whole pile of elephant poop right on them.
I've also tried the low-key approach.
"Well, as you can see, things aren't going the way I'd planned."
"You have....?"
"Cancer, yes."
And we continue, in a coy form of Twenty Questions until the friends have asked questions either up to their comfort level or else their level of politeness. No one is sure what is appropriate to ask. And then, what?
"But enough about me. What's new with you these days?" And I can see them thinking that whatever they're going through isn't as earth-shaking as this. What they can't appreciate is that I really want to know. Yes, there's a world out there where people are dealing with other problems, or have other joys, or even a bit of boredom. I'm hungry to hear about it all -- once we get past the uncomfortable beginnings.
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I have always thought that greeting people with "How are you doing?" is one of the most annoying and stupid customs that ever existed. Bob and Ray or some other old comedy duo once did a routine of two DJs meeting. "How are you doing, Sammy boy?" "I'm sick as a dog, Jimbo." "Fantastic!"
Back in 1983 I wrote a poem about how dumb this greeting is. Sometime ago I decided that, if anyone in a nonbusiness context asked me, "How are you doing?" I would answer, "Oh I'm pretty flatulent; how about you?" So I had an acquaintance ask me how I was doing. She is a very nice, kindly woman who does a ton of charity work. She speaks English fluently but it is not her native language. I answered her by saying, "I'm pretty flatulent." She was puzzled and said, "What does that mean?" I answered, "Windy." Then she gave me a knowing look and dropped the whole subject.
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