It's funny. A few weeks ago when I parked in front of this sign, I could barely bring myself to get out of the car. All I could think was, I don't want to go through all this again.
Now I'm just glad to get a good parking space. How one's perceptions change.
I started the chemo/radiation mix yesterday, and because it was a longer session than will be usual and Jerry had work, I spent the time on my own.
Radiation is a lot easier to go through than chemo. I lie on that black table, head on the towel and hands reached back to grab the little bars, and the two techs position me precisely. Then the table slides back under the thing that looks like half of an old-fashioned telephone receiver. It rotates first to the right, then middle, then left, pausing while the machine hits my middle with its charge of radiation with a sound like a bass bug-zapper. Then I'm done. I don't even have to dress in a johnny for it. The hardest part is lying there without helping the techs push me into position. They are very anxious for me to be comfortable, so we had a few disjointed conversations in which I said, "Well, what does that do?" and they said, "It won't hurt a bit," and I said, "I know it won't hurt a bit, but what does it do?" They finally understood that comfort for me comes from knowledge, not reassurances, and we're fine now. They explain stuff.
After the radiation I went upstairs to the oncology department, where I met with the doctor. His manner isn't exactly hail-fellow-well-met, but he even cracked a couple of smiles as he told me that I had "tolerated the induction phase extremely well." Because I've been on a fairly high dose of gemcitabine, he had expected a lot more side effects than I've had. He says that any side effects I have now will probably be due to the radiation because I'm on a fairly low dose of gemcitabine (and no taxotere. Maybe I can start growing hair again?), just to help target the radiation.
And the chemo treatment itself, once they've checked my blood counts and gotten the stuff from the lab, will only take a half an hour.
So we're off to a good start.
1 comment:
i always find it amusing that doctors don't want to explain things. i think they must think the more we know the more we will freak. the dentist i worked for would always use that same response when asked a question. drove me crazy.
i am so glad to hear things are going well. you are one strong woman. love you.
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