On the bike at the gym Friday I read articles in two magazines about what to do about the toxic people in your life: the coworkers who steal your ideas, the friends who tell everyone your deepest secrets, the relatives who compliment you in public by saying things like, "You don't sweat much for a fat girl." As I read along, nodding in agreement with the reasoned responses, I suddenly stopped pedaling as I realized that I simply don't know any toxic people.
In fact, from relatives to friends to casual acquaintances, I don't think I've had an interaction in the past year that is in any sense toxic (well, I suppose chemo is toxic, but it's supposed to be and besides, the nurses who deal with it are amazingly warm and cheerful).
So why is this so important that two magazines in a row think it's worth an article?
Maybe it's a city phenomenon which doesn't show up out here in the boonies.
Maybe it's age-related, and by the time you get to mine, all the toxic people have stewed in their own juices and disappeared. No, I remember some really nasty old folks in my past.
Maybe people are just nice to me because I have cancer and just by existing I bring out the best in people. I decided if that was true it meant was at least some good in this situation, finished my workout, and went on to the library.
And there I saw a real live example of a toxic person who single-handedly took care of my first two theories, an elderly woman here in Keene who was furious at the librarian because she wouldn't allow her to take out a book on someone else's card. The would-be borrower ripped the librarian up one side and down the other, almost screaming at her. When she finally stomped off, I sympathized with the shaken librarian and took out my books.
On the way home I started thinking, perhaps I should have tested out the third possibility. What if I had broken into the confrontation and said, "Excuse me, but I have cancer, so can I mediate for you because of course you will be pleasant to me?" Would she have stopped being toxic, smiled at me, and apologized to the librarian? Probably not.
But what if it had worked? Just think of the possibilities. I can see Cancer Surviving Mediator as at least a cabinet-level post. Do you think Obama would be up for it?
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What do you do when you find out you have pancreatic cancer? Tell everyone about it, of course. Why "green bananas?" Because we keep buying them as a sign of faith in the future. What do we need from you? Good thoughts and the occasional bad joke.
5 comments:
You could have said to the angry lady, "Look, the library card system is so simple, even you would understand it."
Lucy--This is one of your best blogs. Your contemplations--so wise.
Hey-I think you have started movement! Now if only I could have borrowed you the other day at the store when 3 year old was being loud and I got an earful from a crabby man.
That happened to us in an airport when our flight came in late and a guy ripped into the lady behind the counter. He was so lame. We talked to the lady afterwards about how selfish and inconsiderate the guy was. Man, was he toxic!
I too see toxic people. mostly when I travel to the cities. But they are not allowed into my life. Time is too short to deal with the inconsiderate, the idiots, etc.
Just walk away. back away slowly and don't look into their eyes....
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